


It's Not Always the Heat

by Shinaka



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Fire Emblem: Three Houses Blue Lions Route, First Kiss, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Requited Love, Sexual Fantasy, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-16
Updated: 2019-10-16
Packaged: 2020-12-17 10:15:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21052730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinaka/pseuds/Shinaka
Summary: Dedue has always used the sauna after training sessions to help with soothing his muscles. Soon after the sauna reopens at the monastery, he decides to invite Ashe so his classmate can enjoy that same benefit. Unfortunately, Dedue doesn't account for the fact that the sauna is a very intimate setting compared to other places in the monastery.TLDR; Dedue has to deal with a lot of different feelings toward Ashe because he didn’t think through his decision to invite him to the sauna.PRE-TIMESKIP so Ashe is underage but nothing happens between him and Dedue except for a chaste kiss. This is rated M mostly because Dedue is a teenaged boy with hormones and he hascertain thoughts.





	It's Not Always the Heat

**Author's Note:**

> This was an absolute monster to write because one, this is the first time in forever I’ve attempted a fic this long and two, I wrote this entirely in Dedue’s POV. Dude, I love you and all but your interior life is hard to write sometimes without coming off OOC in either direction.

Secretly, Dedue had been disappointed when he learned that the sauna would be closed for half of the year. Back in Faerghus, it had been the retainer’s best method for soothing the aches and pains of training and of growing up large and tall so quickly. It had also been one of the few places where he didn’t have to be subject to awkward or even openly hostile conversation with his fellow Kingdom knights. In the sauna, after all, the focus was on sweating and letting muscles unwind and unkink themselves to the exclusion of all else. 

So for his sessions, Dedue would delight in near companionable silence and the occasional hiss of steam erupting from the water being poured over the rocks in the stove. His mind would empty until only the sensation of heat and moisture on bare skin remained. And when he exited, it was with clarity of mind, and a renewed willingness to not let the vile treatment of his person affect his duty to His Majesty.

Going without for six months was thus a very long time indeed. He was patient, yes, but he did not delight in pain for its sake.

When the sauna reopened at last, the retainer had to outwardly restrain his joy. But when he thought about being able to spend peaceful intervals relaxing in comforting hot steam once more, he couldn’t help but smile to himself.

* * *

Shortly after the monastery’s sauna started operations again, Dedue found himself alone in the training grounds with Ashe. 

Since they had already moved on from sparring with each other to other partners hours ago, the retainer was surprised to see that his classmate was still here. Usually Ashe would have moved onto assisting with tasks around the rest of the monastery or with studying with Annette.

At the moment though, Ashe seemed to be laboring under the awkward weight of a bundle of differently-sized lances. As he tried to place one of them into a stand, most of them suddenly fell with a clatter onto the floor.

“Let me assist you,” Dedue said, quickly appearing beside Ashe.

“Ahh, ghost!” The younger boy screamed, dropping the last of the lances and his body to the floor. Apparently he had not noticed Dedue until now.

While the older boy stayed where he was, not wanting to alarm Ashe further, the smaller boy turned and saw Dedue for the first time. Red immediately crept onto his freckled cheeks. The sight was endearing if Dedue was being honest to himself, although he did not know how well the boy would take it if he knew what he was thinking. Also seeing the usually relaxed and friendly Ashe appear frightened by something as… poltergeists was somewhat cute.

Again, another thought that Ashe did not need to know.

“O-oh, uh, I’m really sorry about all of this!” Ashe apologized, turning his face back to the floor. “I was trying to clean up after lance practice and then I forgot you were there and then I thought you were a-“

“A ghost.” Dedue’s mouth was trying hard not to curl up into a smile.

Ashe’s face turned a deeper shade of red. “Well… I just don’t like the idea of them at all!"

Dedue may had been bemused by what he had learned about his classmate but he wasn’t cruel. Sensing that the other boy was beginning to feel very embarrassed, the retainer extended his hand to Ashe. “Thinking that you are alone can lead to strange tricks of the imagination. It is understandable.”

With Dedue’s help, Ashe picked himself up from the floor, embarrassed expression melting into a more open one. “Thanks for being so nice." 

Dedue had never been made more aware of his size than when he closed his hand around the other boy's. He already knew that he easily dwarfed many of his classmates but seeing Ashe’s pale and freckled hand become engulfed by his made him feel for the first time the gulf that laid between their bodies. His fingers also took note of the smoothness of the outside of his hand as well as the calluses on his palm from archery and lance training. When Ashe looked up at him quizzically, however, Dedue noticed that he had been holding onto him for longer than he should have.

“My apologies,” he said quickly. It was now his turn to be embarrassed. Dedue could still feel the warm imprint of Ashe’s hand in his, however, a thought that he tried to bury.

Thankfully, his classmate didn’t pursue the matter, instead looking around at the lances on the floor. “No need! In fact, do you mind if I lean on you again for help putting away the weapons?”

“I would not mind,” Dedue replied. This was a task that would put him on an even keel once more.

With the two of them working together, the lances were placed in their rightful places within minutes. Then Dedue waited patiently as Ashe consulted a nearby clipboard on the wall and cross-checked it with the number of lances that had been put away.

“All done!” The silver-haired boy sounded satisfied. 

He turned to Dedue. “I guess I should be headed to the dining hall but I honestly don't feel that hungry tonight.”

“I see,” Dedue said as he began to lead the way toward the training grounds’ exit.

“Are you going to eat though? I wouldn’t mind going with you if you’re going there anyways,” the other boy said.

Dedue couldn’t help but feel somewhat touched by Ashe’s offer to eat dinner with him despite not being hungry himself. Even though the older boy had begun talking more to some of the other Blue Lions students, Ashe still remained the classmate that spent the most time with Dedue. Despite the retainer having warned him multiple times what would happen if he associated with someone from Duscur, Ashe continued to seek him out, whether it be for cooking lessons, training sessions, or taking care of the flowers.

Although the smaller boy had admitted to feeling intimidated by Dedue at first, such a honest confession already put Ashe higher in his books than others. Few had the courage to speak to someone like him to begin with, and on top of that, to be so unguarded.

Which is why, although Dedue would normally never ask another to come with him besides his Highness, he decided to take a chance on Ashe. While the boy, being naturally talkative, might end up trying to make conversation with him in the sauna, the retainer found that he actually would not mind if that happened.

“Actually… I am going to the sauna first.”

The other boy’s footsteps stopped. “Wait, did I hear you right, Dedue?”

With his hand on the handle of one of the large doors leading outdoors, Dedue turned around to face Ashe. “Yes,” he said simply.

Inwardly, the older boy was wondering if what he had said was so strange. Growing up in His Majesty’s household and training among the Kingdom knights, it was expected that one step into the sauna after particularly long or harsh training sessions. It was merely the best way to rejuvenate one’s body for the next day. 

For some reason, a teasing smile lit up Ashe’s face. “I didn’t know that you used such things! I always thought it was a place that only older men went to.”

Dedue quickly reminded himself that Ashe was younger and hadn't been training as a knight for nearly as long. 

“It is not. In fact, it is a great way to restore your body after a long day of sparring. Would you like to come with me and see for yourself?”

Ashe's eyes widened and suddenly his freckles were dusted with pink. Again, Dedue wondered what was wrong with what he had said. His Highness had extended similar invitations in the past to the household knights without incident.

After several long moments, the boy stammered, “S-sure! Since you’re asking!”

Dedue raised a single white eyebrow at him. “Are you sure you want to come after all?”

“Yes, I do!” He sounded more confident this time. “Sorry, I was caught off guard by the invite,” he said, rubbing his cheek sheepishly. “I don’t… I’ve never been to a sauna before.”

Ashe’s apprehension made more sense in light of his inexperience then.

“Do not worry, Ashe. I will tell you what to do,” he said. The last thing he wanted was for his classmate to feel uncomfortable during what should be a pleasant experience for him after an arduous training day.

Ashe heaved a sigh of relief and the tension that had come with the invite left just as quickly. “Yes, please teach me what to do so I don’t embarrass myself in there,” he said. Dedue noted that the other boy’s face remained red though.

“Of course,” the retainer said.

* * *

The sauna was empty inside, except for the lone attendant who was perched on a bench next to the entrance flipping through a book.

When he noticed Dedue and Ashe, however, he stiffened and immediately slapped down his book next to him.

“We’re going to close in about an hour, so you better clean yourselves up quick and get in.” The attendant hooked a thumb behind him at a curtained entryway with a male symbol above it. Dedue noticed that he looked only at Ashe.

“Clean towels are on the shelf in the shower room. When you’re finished with washing up, pull on the bell that’s hanging from the ceiling. You can’t miss it. That’ll let me know to start loading wood into the stove in the steam room.”

Ashe nodded, though he looked put off at how the attendant never once looked up at Dedue. Before he could say something though, the older boy decided to walk ahead of him toward the shower. 

“Let us go in before it closes,” he said firmly.

Ashe sighed but followed his lead. Dedue's heart was swelling nevertheless at how considerate and kind the other boy was for his sake. His classmate was truly one of the special few who would even try to fight on behalf of someone from Duscur. Which was why, the attendant aside, the older boy was becoming self-conscious about whether asking Ashe to come was the right decision. What if the experience was too overwhelming or stultifying for him? Maybe Ashe’s earlier remark about only older men enjoying sauna was a correct assessment and his own tastes were really too dated for the younger boy.

“Dedue, are you going to change?”

In the shower room, Dedue came to himself again only to notice that the other boy’s head was already peeking out from behind a shower partition.

He was glad that his skin was dark enough to hide how much it was burning. He had never before become so lost in his own thoughts as to completely ignore his surroundings.

“Yes, my apologies,” he said, trying to feel as calm as he sounded. With practiced ease, Dedue stripped down, placed his clothes on a rack, hung a clean towel on a hook within easy reach, and then stepped into the nearest shower.

There was little hot water left in the pipes, likely due to the sauna closing soon for the day, but the bracing cold water reminded him of the pleasure that was to come. It also calmed and cleared his mind. 

Ashe had agreed to come here. Dedue would do his best to ensure that the experience was a rewarding one. However, although he would prefer Ashe enjoy the sauna, what the other boy received from it was ultimately up to him. Therefore there was no need for such self-doubt, especially since he was about to unwind at last for the day.

Moments after Dedue had twisted the faucet off, he heard a metallic squeak from the next stall over and then the sound of water dwindling to a trickle. “Coming out soon!” Ashe’s voice echoed in the tiled room.

“I will be doing the same as well,” Dedue said, drying himself off with the towel he had hung. When he was done, he folded it and then wrapped it around his waist before stepping out.

The two stepped out of their stalls at the same time. At once, the older boy was caught by the wonderful view of freckles sprinkling pale skin from head to toe, interrupted only by an inconveniently placed towel. Freckles were non-existent among the Duscur, so every one on Ashe’s skin was a novel gift to his eyes. Immediately, Dedue tried to excise the inappropriate thought from his mind but he only managed to start thinking even more about how many freckles might be counted under the towel.

And then there was his classmate’s body itself. Dedue had seen in training sessions Ashe’s slender arms that were also taut with lean muscle. But in front of him, the fruits of training were undeniable. After the pleasurable shock of seeing so many spots gently marking Ashe’s body, Dedue noticed also that he was toned throughout. Though he was small, he made up for it in a frame that could quickly react and pounce on a mistake.

Perhaps Ashe might want to use his speed on him outside of training –

Dedue crushed the beginning of that fantasy violently. By this point, he was staring obviously at him but he hoped that Ashe also didn’t catch him swallowing dryly as well.

However, he didn’t seem to be alone in staring. Ashe’s eyes appeared to wander all over Dedue's body as well, including the part covered by his towel, though they seemed to return again and again to his torso and arms. Years of trying to distinguish himself as the prince’s bodyguard as well as his fortuitous, if painful, growth spurt had turned him bulky, muscular, and threatening. It was simple fact that if needed, he could easily fight and win against several Kingdom knights at the same time. Usually his size coupled with his heritage intimidated and drove others away – which suited Dedue just fine since that was his purpose as His Highness’ protector.

However, as Ashe continued to stare, his freckled cheeks a bright red, the retainer felt pride in his body unrelated to serving His Highness for the first time.

For propriety’s sake though, Dedue knew he had to break the silence. 

“Let - Let me tell you what is needed to be done. Before we enter the sauna itself,” he said, trying not to betray the awkwardness he now felt.

Ashe replied a bit too quickly for the illusion of normalcy to hold. “Oh. Oh yes! I want to learn! Since this is my first time!” 

Dedue’s eyes widened. Ashe's green eyes widened as well as soon as he realized what had come out of his mouth. “My first time being here!” He added lamely, "In the sauna...”

“Yes,” the retainer couldn’t help but say.

He was entirely responsible for this state of affairs. But there was nothing he could do to alleviate the tension other than follow through on his invitation to Ashe.

“Before you ring the bell, we should drink water before going in. This is to ensure we do not succumb to dehydration.” Dedue found his confidence returning as he slipped into a teaching role. 

Ashe tilted his head slightly. “How much should I drink?” He, too, seemed to be recovering from his earlier embarrassment. 

The retainer continued. “One to two glasses should suffice. I will get us water.”

Obtaining water for the two of them and drinking it granted Dedue the opportunity to further steady his heart. By the time he was finished, he was ready to calmly take Ashe through the rest of his instruction for being in the sauna.

“Since you are new to being here, we will be inside for ten minutes maximum. Then we will leave to shower quickly and then return for another session of ten minutes.” 

Ashe nodded. “I see! Just curious, but how long do you usually stay in the sauna when you’re by yourself, Dedue?”

“Around fifteen or twenty minutes at a time. Staying longer is foolish and results in dehydration and fatigue,” he replied.

“I’ll definitely take your word for that,” his classmate said. “I hope I’ll be all right in there though. It'll be embarrassing if I faint before the ten minutes are even up.” Ashe laughed softly but Dedue detected the undercurrent of nervousness easily.

“Please be assured that I will not let something like that happen. In addition, there is no shame in wanting to leave earlier. Do not push your body past its limit for pride’s sake,” he said firmly.

Ashe looked relieved. “That makes me feel better. Thanks for always being so considerate! I’ll probably feel less nervous once I go in hopefully.” 

Dedue could not put into words how Ashe's friendliness and concern for him already made the retainer more than willing to spend his time with him. Because of that, he absolutely wanted to ensure that his classmate did not feel vulnerable for any longer than needed.

He weighed the words in his mind first before saying them aloud. “You are my friend after all. If I did not feel that this experience would be safe, I would not invite you."

The younger boy’s eyes widened for a moment before the rest of his face slipped into a broad smile.

“Hey, that’s the first time you ever called me your friend!” Ashe was _beaming_. When his freckles crinkled as they did in that huge smile of his, the older boy could not help but itch to trace them with his thumb.

Dedue struggled to maintain eye contact. “I… I suppose that is the case.” 

Yet another thought to be buried for examination another time.

“Anyways, is there any more we need to do before we go in, Dedue?” He was practically bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Dedue took a small steadying breath in the face of his eagerness. “We just need towels to sit on. Please pick them up from behind you, Ashe. While you do that, I will ring the bell to alert the attendant.”

“Got it!” He replied.

While Dedue gave the cord three quick tugs, he thought about what he had said to Ashe about pride earlier.

There would be a time later for telling the other boy about how being too proud had cost him dearly growing up among His Highness’ knights. Perhaps if tonight went well and they happened to be free after training just like this next week. He found that he was even starting to look forward to such a time already. There were other stories that he would not mind sharing either. There was no need to interrogate as to the cause for now though.

* * *

When Dedue and Ashe entered the sauna, a wave of heat immediately bathed their bare skin.

The smaller boy took a small step back before quickly collecting himself. “Wow, this got warm quickly!”

Dedue nodded. Despite the attendant’s prejudice against his people, he at least did his job competently.

Built out of a fragrant and light wood, this particular sauna room was suited for a group of ten at most. It contained two levels of seating, with the higher tier being further recessed into the wall than the lower. The benches also faced a metal apparatus in the middle of the square room that appeared to be the stove. On top of it was a container with smooth fist-sized stones inside, and nearby the stove was a wooden bucket with water and a ladle inside.

Ashe looked curiously at the stones but Dedue steered him gently to the ground level seats. 

“You will become overheated more quickly if you stay too long near the stove,” he said.

“That makes sense,” and Ashe let himself be led.

Although he only meant to put his hand on Ashe’s shoulder for a moment to guide him within the room, Dedue couldn’t help but notice how soft his skin was or how, when he closed his hand fully around his shoulder, he could feel the taut muscles underneath. Perhaps it was the sauna raising his sensitivity to touch along with the need to sweat. Either way, he let go of his friend with some regret as they reached their benches. They put clean towels on them and then sat down at last.

Next to him, Dedue saw the first beads of sweat forming on the smaller boy's face and shoulders already, though he forced himself to pull away before he looked any lower. Hadn’t he stared at him for far too long already? They were friends – Dedue had admitted as much just a short time ago. Regardless of how the other boy thought of him though, he needed to rein himself in before he risked becoming like Sylvain.

Especially in what Dedue was quickly realizing was a rather.. intimate situation. 

He had grown used to thinking of the sauna as a place for recovering from grueling training sessions. This perception had been reinforced by his spending time there often with the Kingdom’s knights at the end of the day or if he was lucky, alone. 

He had invited Ashe with that understanding in mind. But as the two sat side by side, with their hands close to brushing one another’s, Dedue became painfully aware that he could not think of Ashe as dispassionately in the slightest. 

Not after Dedue had begun to bare his recipes, history, and culture to him. Not after having skimmed the calluses of his hand with his own. Not after having seen those lovely freckles race across his chest and kiss even the tops of his feet. And especially not after having seen Ashe study his body like he did his and enjoying what he saw. 

If the other boy did not ask to accompany him next time to the sauna, the retainer did not know if he would invite him again. It was not Ashe’s fault at all. But he wasn’t sure if he could endure the sight of Ashe alone and near-nude again without unbearable awkwardness.

He was so deep in his thoughts again – something that was becoming increasingly common around Ashe today – that he almost didn’t catch what he said.

“-Isn’t so bad.”

The retainer peered at Ashe from the corner of his eye. He was laying back against the wall, eyes closed, sighing contentedly. Sweat dripped from his face, his neck, his arms, and his chest, giving his already pale skin a sheen that made him glow.

A bead of sweat rolled past Dedue’s temple but it wasn’t from the room’s heat.

“I-I am glad to hear that.” He swallowed, hoping it would help dislodge his words. “Do not fall asleep in here, no matter how tempting. Also, if you feel dizzy, let me know immediately.”

“Aww, that’s a shame about not sleeping. And will do about the dizziness,” Ashe said, his usual earnestness smothered by lethargy.

But he opened his eyes, albeit slowly. It relieved Dedue – the last thing he wanted on his conscience was Ashe falling asleep and becoming dehydrated from his first time in the sauna.

“How do you keep from falling asleep?” Ashe yawned.

Usually Dedue would have to fight off the desire to doze off at least once. Tonight was proving to be… difficult, however. He couldn’t very well tell Ashe that though.

“It is natural to want to fall asleep at some point,” he started. "However, I find that clearing my mind and focusing only on my senses help. If I am sweating, I focus on that. If someone pours water on the rocks on the stove, I focus on that.”

“That sounds like you have great focus and discipline, Dedue.” He seemed more awake. “I definitely want to work hard to be more like you. Strong and determined to help Our Highness and yet still so kind.” He smiled a small sweet smile that made Dedue redden.

His friend didn’t give himself nearly enough credit though. He thought about how passionately Ashe sought to learn more about cooking despite his own skill with making delicious meals that Dedue looked forward to. He thought about how Ashe would expound on the virtues of knights, eyes shining, his grip on his bow tightening in his resolution to see his dream through. And yet again he thought of how he and Ashe were in this room right now, all because of Ashe's pure desire to spend more time with his friend, despite the backlash it might elicit.

“Thank you. But you are someone that I can only hope to emulate as well.”

His classmate pursed his lips. “I know you don’t say things you don’t mean, but that’s high praise coming from you. Now I have even more to live up to!”

“And I am confident that you will be able to do exactly that."

“No fair, now you’re raising the stakes again just by saying that!” Ashe was grinning though and his mood infectious enough to have Dedue finally turn his head toward him. He was leaning forward toward Dedue, hands on the bench in front of him, almost brushing against his left arm and thigh. 

So very close.

“And again, you will simply rise to the occasion.” He couldn’t help himself, even as he realized his words verged on innuendo. Ashe’s attention, the steam, and the heat were all conspiring to lower his resistances and to make him say things he otherwise wouldn't.

“Well, if you keep saying those things, then you really would have to keep an eye on me to make sure that does happen.” Ashe’s eyes flashed.

“If you would have me,” Dedue could not resist saying. 

“Of course I would!” He looked directly into Dedue’s eyes, earnest and sincere. “Don’t even think of trying to drive me away by saying that I shouldn’t be hanging around someone from Duscur,” he added.

“I have learned my lesson on that a while ago.” The retainer combed his hair away from his eyes with his fingers. “You can be more stubborn than His Highness when you want to." 

“O-oh,” Ashe sputtered and then blushed.

Ashe was now leaning close enough to him so that Dedue could register his soft breathing on his pectoral. An extra layer of humidity that became more sensual the more he thought of how dangerously close Ashe was to his chest. Would he want to…? Certain thoughts of how the smaller boy could use his mouth on his skin leapt unbidden to the surface of his mind.

He was not… experienced but that did not mean he was incapable of feeling urges. But Dedue was used to banishing the thoughts without a moment’s notice until he could deal with them privately. He prided himself on having impeccable self-control unlike a certain classmate in his house.

But as Ashe continued to be so close, pink freckled cheeks mere inches away from his bare skin, Dedue found himself unable to stop that line of thinking. He found himself wondering what it would be like if his friend crawled onto his lap and then showered him with kisses. Would Ashe enjoy his inevitably clumsy attempts to kiss every one of his freckles? His hair would probably be soft if Dedue wanted to run his fingers through it while he tipped Ashe's head back, trying to kiss the smattering of spots on his throat...

“Dedue?”

Ashe’s voice brought him back and just like that, shame immediately doused his imaginings. He hadn’t invited Ashe here for the purpose of fantasizing about him.

“Are you okay? You suddenly stopped talking. Is the heat getting to you? I know this isn’t your first time here but I want to make sure you’re okay,” he said, worry creasing his features.

Dedue closed his eyes. The heat was not the issue at all.

However, he saw the opportunity his classmate’s words presented. Gods knew that a cold shower would be good for him before they went back in for their second session.

He groaned inwardly. They still had one more stint in the sauna. He needed to control himself for a little while longer.

“You’re right, Ashe. Our ten minutes is up anyway. We will shower and then come back.”

* * *

The cold shower had caused his sensitive pores to scream but had the necessary effect of clearing his mind.

Dedue had invited a friend to the sauna. A friend.

It was a perfectly normal place to go to after a long day of training with a fellow knight-in-training. He, His Highness, and the Kingdom's knights and soldiers were proof of that.

Also, hadn’t Ashe thought at first that the sauna was old-fashioned? It was certainly not a place where people frequented for… less than savory ends.

In short, there was nothing inherently untoward about the whole enterprise.

Even if he felt very attracted to Ashe, which was something he could no longer deny, all he needed to do was keep their conversations as far enough from innuendo so that he can still preserve their friendship and his dignity.

There was plenty of fodder for that. Their class assignments, what they planned to cook for dining hall duty, the flowers they would like to grow next… These and other topics were perfectly safe to talk about. And if he kept imagining Sylvain and how not to copy him, he should be on the right track as well.

He took a deep breath, exhaled, and then switched the tap off.

* * *

Dedue was ready this time.

As soon as he and Ashe entered the sauna for the second time, he immediately took the ladle from the bucket and began to slowly pour water over the stones on the stove. The heat of the stones made the water hiss and then sprout into gentle curls of steam that floated to the top of the room.

He had not done this before because Ashe needed to become acclimated first to the room itself, but now that both of them were used to the heat, he could begin adding steam to their surroundings at last. It also had the more appreciated effect of giving Dedue something to do and talk about that would hopefully circumvent his earlier crude thoughts from resurfacing.

“So that’s where the steam comes from! Was there a reason you didn’t ladle the water earlier though?” Ashe had taken a seat nearby while Dedue was at the stove. He avoided turning around to look at him for the moment.

“It is because the steam causes the room to become hotter and more humid. You needed to become used to the sauna as it is first.” He dipped the ladle into the bucket and then poured water one last time over the stones. With the amount he had added to the stones, the room became hazy and the details of Ashe’s form indefinite.

“It’s certainly hotter than it was before.” Ashe’s voice seemed muffled under the weight of the steam. “And I’m sweating more already! But I still feel quite comfortable thanks to that shower I just took.”

Dedue shook his head of the image of the other boy’s naked body in the shower. Hadn’t he resolved to act with more self-restraint mere minutes ago?

“The shower in between is very important for controlling one’s body temperature and for heightening the beneficial effects of the sauna,” he said as he made his way toward Ashe and sat next to him. Again, he didn’t look directly at him, but the other boy didn't seem to notice probably due to the steam obscuring his vision. “Please let me know if you start feeling overheated or sleepy.”

“Right. Same goes for you, too.” He stretched his arms, letting out a small moan that made his heart race.

No, he would not be let himself be ruled by his primal urges.

“You were right about coming here by the way,” Ashe said, turning toward Dedue. "I already feel like my muscles are less sore and I feel really relaxed. This was a great idea.”

He paused as if wishing to say more. Dedue gave him the space to think. 

“Actually, today was really good timing for this. I usually don’t stay that late to train but I was having trouble with… Well…” 

He let out a sigh. “Today would have been Lonato’s birthday."

“I am sorry to hear that,” Dedue said. Although he had never met Lonato until the noble's ill-fated campaign against the Central Church, Ashe’s stories had always painted him as an extraordinary man who was willing to adopt and fully educate three commoner children out of the sheer goodness of his heart.

Ashe’s voice grew soft. “Were he still alive, I would have planned to visit him this weekend. Have his favorite meals and then train together with him. I think,” and the emotion in those words tugged on Dedue, turned him around to look at Ashe fully for the first time this sauna session.

“I think he would have liked Duscur food, too. If there had been time, I would have liked to cook him lunch with the spices that you’ve been teaching me to use.” He looked down.

Dedue's eyes widened. “Ashe, that is –“

“I know what you’re thinking,” he said, nervously wringing his hands in front of him. “But I’m really positive he would have given it a chance."

Truly, Ashe would never cease to amaze him. Even when he was reminiscing about his adoptive father, his regrets included not having given the man a chance to taste the food of Dedue’s people – a thought that should have been as far removed from Ashe’s remembrances as possible. But Ashe was not normal, as he had once pointed out and the younger boy had agreed to. He was simply himself, no more and no less, and as warmth spread from Dedue’s cheeks and heart, he acknowledged that he wouldn't have Ashe any other way.

“I am… flattered that you think so highly of what I make. Enough to want to serve it to someone you esteem so highly,” he began. “Regardless of your efforts, however, Lonato would have had a good birthday, so long as you were there."

Ashe let out a small laugh. “You’re so confident in my abilities tonight.”

He could not help but look back in shock. Did Ashe really not understand the kind of person he was? 

“It is not just tonight and it is not only your abilities that I am confident in.” Suddenly it seemed imperative for Dedue to tell him exactly how admirable he was. “You are talented in archery and are swift on your feet, yes. But you also possess wonderful qualities. You are open-minded, eager to learn, hard-working, courageous, and very kind.”

The other boy’s face was turning bright red, freckles standing out in even sharper relief from his skin. Dedue supposed that that would be normal in the face of such praise. But he had more to share.

“You have empathy for my people even when you have no proof of their innocence. You are willing to help others even when it might create more work for yourself. You take on arduous challenges, even when they’re unnecessary, in order to meet your ideal of knighthood."

“Dedue, that’s quite a lot about me – “

He raised a hand in front of the sputtering Ashe. “My apologies but I am not quite done.” His friend stilled immediately, knowing that it was not only very rare for Dedue to interrupt others but also for him to speak so much at once.

“That is why I have always believed that you are capable. This was not a conclusion I came to only tonight. You have consistently shown yourself to be a good person and more ever since we met.” He looked down at his hands. "My only wish for you is that Lonato could have survived to see you grow since coming here.”

Toward the end of Dedue’s words, Ashe’s breathing had turned loud and shaky. When Dedue turned toward him, he noticed tears mingling with the sweat on his face. Ashe tried to wipe them away quickly but the retainer, on an impulse, reached out to lay his hand on his smooth silvery locks.

“It is all right,” he said.

The younger boy sniffed but didn’t move to wipe away his tears as quickly this time, letting Dedue’s hand make small, slow circles on his head.

When Dedue found himself wanting to close the distance to hug the other boy, he found that he knew the true shape of his feelings for Ashe at last. And he found that he could not smother or bury them as he had been trying to do all night long.

Ashe was simply too dear and lovely for him not to have fallen for.

However, he would keep his feelings under wraps until a better time and place, where he wouldn’t feel like he was using such an intimate setting as an excuse to take advantage of him in any way. So instead of holding him as he truly wanted to, he settled for running his fingers more through his soft hair and letting the silence bathe and soothe them.

After a while, Ashe opened his eyes to look directly into Dedue’s.

“Thank you… I needed this,” he whispered.

Reluctantly, Dedue let go and he felt immediately bereft. “I am glad to have been of some assistance.”

Ashe tapped his knuckles lightly against his arm. “Don’t be so modest!” But he was laughing as he said so, and the older boy’s heart felt lighter than before.

Unfortunately, it was also time to leave. Dedue took in Ashe beginning to waver on the bench and knew that they had to go now before he became sick.

To his surprise though, when Dedue tried to rouse the younger boy to go, Ashe stared hard at him instead, biting his lower lip as if he was contemplating doing something. Then in a flash, Dedue felt a wet softness against the corner of his lips before he spotted Ashe quickly rising from the bench and walking to the door out of the sauna.

“Are you coming, Dedue?” He called out hesitantly once he had reached the door but Dedue had yet to follow.

Maybe he didn’t need to wait long for his next opportunity to tell Ashe how he felt, he thought, lips fighting the urge to curl up into a grin that Ashe might find strange. Mutely, Dedue followed him at last to the adjoining shower room.

He would not be inviting Ashe to the sauna again for some time – his heart would not be able to take it – but going out for tea next time seemed like a good idea.


End file.
